with your own penis?
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
