Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I think people are normalizing furries
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
