i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize
