Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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