we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I think a kid would responsible me up
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
