i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
