Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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