im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
