i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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