He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
