If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
