I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Randomize
