When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
