When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
