You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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