Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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