Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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