Your dad touched me again.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
