my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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