Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
