I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
