I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
