so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
