his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Randomize
