Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
how drunk are you?
Several
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
