Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Semen is not good for contacts.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
