would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I could fuck to npr.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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