My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
