Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
