called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
