is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
