We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
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