Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
