did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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