I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Randomize
