and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
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