just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
