its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
