I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
