What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
