I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
