Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
