I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Randomize
