Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.�
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
