Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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