I feel like I'm in dance class right now
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
