so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
