I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
