Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Randomize
