I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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